I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
