Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I believe in your delicious
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
