I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
