hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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