There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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