i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
