Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The adults are the big ones right?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
