just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
