you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
