this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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