mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
