Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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