At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
