remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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