At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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