so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
