singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
