umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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