You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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