Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
