Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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