the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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