I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
my shit smells like andre
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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