Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
