That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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