My liver just broke up with me...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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