Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
