i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I skipped work to stalk him.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
