Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
