Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
