a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
