Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
this is an emotional support booty call
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
