Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
