I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
