I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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