I think scott just propositioned me for sex
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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