Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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