I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
