U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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