I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
