Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
