i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i've created a new STD.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
