I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
