He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
