Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
