I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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