My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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