corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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