Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
