Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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