His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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