so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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