So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
