so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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