I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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