Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
