all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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